Being “me” to be a “we”

Relationships can be a doozy. We all know that. I am sure we have all experienced the high highs and low lows that can often accompany relationships and romantic partners. One day we are on top of the world, feeling like we have found the person who makes our life worth living, the next minute we are ugly crying in the midst of a fight with them over their dirty socks being left on the floor.

Yet one of the best relationship secrets, well, it’s maybe not that much of a secret but one of the best relationship reminders is that the better we are as a “me” the better we can show up as a “we.” Meaning the more healed, in tune, and connected we are with ourselves, the more we can be in healthy, happy relationships with others.

The collective North Node is in Aries, Venus is retrograding in Leo, the sun is in Leo and Mercury is in Leo. That’s a lot of fire baby. The North Node represents our collective north star, meaning it is the direction we are all being guided towards.  Aries and Leo are born leaders, they are very independent, passionate, and fiery. Aries especially fits the archetype of the lone wolf. Aries is the first sign of the zodiac, the first one down the rabbit hole so to speak. It never shies away from a new adventure and loves to show others the way.

Yet to do that, they often need to be unencumbered. I think of Aries as the leader of the hike, bushwhacking their way through the forest, or climbing to unexpected heights, leading a path for others to follow as they go. Libra, which sits opposite Aries on the zodiac, and which is housing the south node, is like the leader who brings up the rear of the line. They are in the back making sure everyone finds their footing and no one is left behind. Those are two very different energetics, but both accomplish the same goal, getting the group up the mountain. Yet in order to be able to lead effectively, Aries cannot continually be looking back at those behind them, trying to put them ahead of themselves, or being overly concerned with their opinion.  To do its job effectively Aries must learn to trust its own authority in matters of the heart and beyond while also keeping other people in their periphery enough to not leave them totally behind. It’s a balance. In short, it has to learn independence while maintaining a connection. That my friends, is our mission of the week.

Chiron, the planet of the wounded healer, is also in Aries. With all of these planetary positions around two of the most authoritative and leader-oriented signs of the zodiac, the focus is on who we are, how we show up, and how to maintain authenticity and leadership within a group or relationship dynamic. Also, what could be holding us back from showing up as our most authentic selves in these realms?

Cooperation and collaboration can be amazing things, but they can also hold us back to an extent. Sometimes to go our own direction or be our best selves we have to follow our own true north. Yet to live in a partnership or society we have to keep others needs at least in mind to some extent. Sigh. It’s confusing, I know. Yet that balance is how we achieve leadership roles and healthy relationship dynamics with a true sense of self. While some signs are more comfortable in the passenger seat generally, this week we are all being asked to sit in the driver’s seat and take control of our lives and loves. How can you maintain your sense of self and inner navigation with other people in the car with you?

Now is a good time to take a look at where your sense of independence lies and how you express that within the relationship. The energetic can also show up as power struggles, causes worth fighting for, and authoritarian positions within intimate connections. Aries has never met a mission it didn’t like, yet it also has to learn not every hill is worth dying on, and every battle is not its fight.

So, the big question is how do we stay authentic and independent within our relationships?

Weekly To-Do List: 

Ask yourself the following questions.

• How do you show up in your relationships?
• What role do you generally play and does that feel authentic to you?
• Do you feel the need to be in control of relationships?
• Do you feel powerless in your relationships?
• What do you need in relationships to be your best self?
• What are your favorite qualities about yourself and are you able to openly exhibit those in your relationship?
• Do you feel the need to dull yourself or certain qualities in order to make the relationship work?

Pro Tip: 

A lot of the time our relationships can feel out of our control, written in the stars so to speak. When are they going to begin, end, how we are going to get along etc.? Yet speaking as an astrologer, so many of our decisions are actually up to us, most especially how we experience things. While energetics, dynamics, and situations may vary, one piece of advice remains helpful across the board. Work on your own stuff! Be aware of what you need, want, lack, feel, think, and desire. Be aware of where your triggers are, your good qualities, and the ones that need work. Your highs, your lows. Literally anything and everything. Think of yourself as a flower, what conditions do you need to blossom? Do you think a desert cactus sits around thinking if being in the desert is asking too much, or taking from someone else, or is societally correct? No way! It knows that is where it is supposed to be because it blooms there. There is nothing personal about a desert cactus doing the best in the desert, it’s natural. The same goes for you. Some people thrive in certain relationship conditions, others do not.

For example, when I am going through something difficult, I prefer a partner who provides feedback and solutions. Others find that a harsh and desert-like environment for a relationship, yet it is where I live my best life. I find emotional conversations during difficult times watery, overbearing, and somewhat useless. Not that I don’t ever want that kind of conversation, but in the middle of things hitting the fan, to me it’s like being in a battle zone and someone trying to give me a hug. It doesn’t help. Once the danger has cleared, then I like to emotionally unpack things. But everyone is different in what they want or need. That is fine!

There is no right or wrong, only what works for you. A not so well kept, but rarely listened-to secret of relationships is to work on your own stuff, figure out your own best fit, and pursue partners who get what you need to grow. That allows you to show up in relationships as your best self because the conditions are already prime for you to do so. And if bumps along the road occur you are much better equipped to handle them because you are in an authentic space.

Horoscopes: 

Aries: You were born to lead. It’s not even up for debate. So what could be holding you back from doing exactly that? Your fiery personality is not everyone’s cup of tea and is not always society’s favorite. That’s ok. It’s not meant to be. Most leaders are not crowd pleasers, at least not at the beginning. They are going against the way things have “always been done” they are ruffling feathers and taking names. They are not there to please everyone they are here to make big changes and sometimes that takes a little fire and vigor.

So please don’t dull your flame just because someone else doesn’t like it. Take feedback when needed and try not to blow fire on friends and family, part of Aries’s lessons is learning to channel all that energy, but remember, that energy is there for a reason. You are meant to do big things. So do them!

Taurus: You have an innate ability to get along with most people. You are a great container for big energies like fire and water and are often good at keeping the status quo. Yet sometimes that can lead you to play second fiddle in your own life. Your cozy comfort zone can get a little too cozy and it is time for you to break out of that mold. North node in Aries is asking you to take a leadership role in your own life and love. What do you want, need or feel? Say it loud and say it proud!

Gemini: Easy tiger. You are full of creative ideas but try not to blow people away with them. Not everyone can keep up with your speed and velocity so now is the time to find the people who can and partner up! Find the people who match your energetic drive and let them build you up so you can soar!

Cancer: You may be feeling uncharacteristically fiery. And with good reason! Now is the time to really stand firm in what you want and how you want to get it. You can lean towards meeting others’ needs, in the same way, a mother can get lost in caring for their children’s needs, you can do that in your intimate relationships. But remember, to be a “we” you have to be a “me!” So, stand firm, speak your truth, and roar like the lion your sign sits next to. What you want absolutely matters and might even help your partner learn to connect with you more deeply.

Think about it, we don’t actually want someone who is exactly like us, variety is the spice of life! So, highlighting the ways you are different from your partner might actually make your relationship more interesting! Give it a try.

Leo: Excuse me while I try to find a fire extinguisher. You are on fire baby! Flame on! Feel your feelings, express your truth, and follow your passions. Just remember if you feel yourself getting a little carried away by the flame, just find yourself a quiet spot in nature and relax. Ground down and let the Earth’s energy help you ease the fire just a little bit.

Virgo: Mars is hanging out in your sign during this crucial time so what might be coming up most for you in relationships, is causes worth fighting for. Let’s face it you can be a wee bit umm shall we say picky? You like your home environment just so and hey, I get it! You like to make the banal sacred, so your home is a sanctuary.

Everything has a place, and you like everything to be in said place. Yet remember, everyone, does not view the world as you do. They may not see the sacred meaning behind loading the dishwasher in a specific way. Or perhaps they do not adhere as strictly to the rules of a relationship as you do, meaning they don’t see a problem with coming home a little later without letting you know their every move. It just depends on the situation. So now is the time for you to really decide what matters to you and what rules you are following just because you feel you should.

Nitpicking can actually chip away at a perfectly good relationship. A casual comment about dishes on your end could feel like an attack to someone else. So just be aware of how your “helpful suggestions” might affect others and figure out what hills are worth dying on in your relationship. If you really would appreciate at least a text letting you know your partner is getting home late, that’s great, speak your truth!

If you find you aren’t actually as passionate about your dish-loading preferences as you thought, consider letting that one go. Focus on how you want your relationship to feel and try more actively to pursue that. Let the boundaries and regulations come to support the feeling, not the other way around, in an attempt to create it.

Libra: You are a labor-of-love kind of person sometimes. You want to make sure everyone makes it up the mountain safely, and no one is left behind. Yet in that, you can sometimes forget what makes you happy or feel included and loved too. You can be so busy trying to balance someone else’s scales, you forget by simply balancing your own, other people can calibrate. A lot of what Libra has to learn in relationships is about energetic sovereignty, meaning it’s ok for your partner to be mad or sad, or feel their own emotions. You don’t have to immediately take those on for them or allow them to control your behavior.

If you set a boundary and your partner doesn’t initially like it, that’s ok, let them have their feelings around it. As long as you are sure of your own decision, they will probably come around. It’s ok for others to feel and work through negative emotions, we are all meant to do so. You are not abandoning them by letting them carry their own emotional weight. They are perfectly capable of taking their own backpack on the relationship hike. You carry yours; they can carry theirs, and everyone will make it to the top just fine.

Scorpio:  You are the fire of the water signs so you might be feeling especially emotionally turbulent lately. Your passions have been ignited and there is no stopping you now.

Think of your emotional state like a fountain, things are brought up hit the air, then move back down into the water again. It is a nice, steady flow, things are brought up to be seen you acknowledge them, and then off they go. Forgotten loves, forgotten passions, and forgotten needs may be bubbling up to the surface for you right now. Take it all in as information in order for you to pursue the life you love. What served you? What do you want to let go? What is definitely a keeper? All is within your power to figure out at this time.

Sagittarius: Fire is your middle name! Actually, it’s your first, middle, and last initial. You are a fire baby too, not to be forgotten by the leader of the pack Aries or limelight hog Leo. You have your own fiery nature and passions to pursue.

You especially are driven by your passion projects, which have a tendency to change month to month, day to day, and maybe even hour by hour. While that makes you a jack of many trades and a lot of fun to watch, it can also make you a little flaky in commitments, friendships, and relationships. Try to let other people catch up with you a little bit before jumping on to the next thing, and really watch that you don’t let your tendency of jumping from idea to idea translates to jumping from person to person.

Capricorn: Ah my well-meaning Capricorn crew. Now might feel like you need to put more barriers up, when in fact you can use this energy to take some of them down. Fire is survival and destruction; it can be used either way. While destruction gets a bad rep, sometimes it is more than necessary.

So, this week take a look at where some of your walls, borders, and assumptions might be creating your own cage. Where can you let go of control and let the flames of the zodiac burn down what no longer serves you in your life and relationships? It may not be the most comfortable for you, but trust me, you can do it!

Also, with Pluto in your sign, you are being asked to dig deep to figure out what might have created those walls to begin with. Are they outdated modes of protection from past interactions or maybe even past lives? Sheesh talk about old and outdated. Check out why those walls went up in the first place so you can begin to let them down.

Aquarius: It is the age of Aquarius! You are here to make some serious changes to this world, so allow the fire sign fierceness to assist you in that pursuit. While you are often more logical and level-headed about things, sometimes a little push in the right direction can really get things going.

So, I don’t often encourage this, but go ahead and lose your cool(a little!) When you have politely asked for change a million times with no visible impact, sometimes raising your energetic voice can get the message across. Let them know you mean business, the tired old way of doing business is not going to work for you anymore. Whether that is in an actual business or your love life, it’s time to roar your truth and make your wants and needs known. If they don’t like it well TOUGH!

Ok maybe not quite that level of intensity but that’s the general message, you have made your wants known, they were ignored, and now it’s action time. Time to raise your voice a little. Remember well-behaved people rarely make history. Fire fierceness baby!

Pisces: Saturn is still retrograding in your sign meaning you are still working through some of that intuitive and psychic fog. But I’m willing to bet a lot of things have become very clear to you. Is the message coming through that the universe has your back? If not, give it a little more time, you will start seeing the reason for all the madness very soon.

Write To Us!

Thoughts? Comments? Questions? We would love to hear them! Write to us at [email protected]