I’m going to start this article with a quote from comedian Keegan-Michael Kay: “HOLD ON TO YOUR LILLY WHITE BUTTS!” The weekend of Thanksgiving gave us upsets and big matchups with huge playoff implications. Everyone played this weekend, which added to the fireworks. Let’s recap the games, starting with what happened on Thanksgiving.
PACKERS 31 – LIONS 24
The biggest difference in this intense game was one key factor: Jordan Love had all the time in the world to pass for the Green Bay Packers, while Jared Goff did not for the Detroit Lions. The result was the Packers knocking off the Lions on the road on Thanksgiving (and enjoying that yummy Turducken…yes it’s a thing). Jordan Love passed for 234 yards and four touchdowns while Goff only passed for 256 yards and two touchdowns. This victory over one of their bitter division rivals puts the Packers in control of their playoff destiny. But there’s one more rival standing in their way of the division title: the Chicago Bears. The first of their two showdowns with the Bears is next week. As for the Lions, I’m hitting the panic button. We knew it wouldn’t be easy for the Lions after losing their offensive coordinator after he got hired by the Bears, but this is nuts. The Lions just haven’t looked like the Lions this season, and now they’re on the outside looking in. Next week’s Sunday Night Football matchup against the Cowboys will be a must win for the Lions.
CHIEFS 28 – COWBOYS 31
HOLY MOLE HOLES! As if Thanksgiving wasn’t full of drama already (those with families on opposite sides of the political spectrum know what I mean). Against all odds, the Dallas Cowboys pulled off the upset over the Kansas City Chiefs. Dak Prescott and Patrick Mahomes dueled it out to a near draw in this quarterback matchup. Prescott had 320 passing yards for two touchdowns and an interception while Mahomes had 261 passing yards for four touchdowns. The Cowboys should be really proud of themselves. They’ve beaten both teams from last year’s Super Bowl in the span of five days (the Eagles and the Chiefs). I think it’s time to legitimately consider the Cowboys a possible playoff contender as we enter the stretch run of the season. They also gained ground on the Lions in the playoff race. If they can pass the Lions, they’re only a hop, skip, and jump away from that last playoff spot. They’ll have the chance to pass the Lions next week on Thursday Night Football. As for the Chiefs, it’s time to get real. I have seen plenty of “experts” bend over backwards trying to assure people that the Chiefs will make the playoffs. I got news for you: the odds are against them. There is no margin for error, and three of their remaining five opponents are considered playoff contenders. They must run the table, or they are going NOWHERE. I may be the only one who thinks this, but maybe I’m just thinking that the rooms are all on fire for the Chiefs (and there is your Stevie Nicks reference for this article, now go look up what song that is). The Chiefs will play one of those contenders, the Texans, next week on Sunday Night Football.
BENGALS 32 – RAVENS 14
HOLY MOLE HOLES and welcome back Joe Burrow! Like Christian Bale as Batman in The Dark Knight Rises, Burrow has swung in out of nowhere toward the end of the season to lead the Cincinnati Bengals in a huge upset over the Baltimore Ravens. In his first game back, Burrow completed 24 of 46 passes for 261 yards and two touchdowns. Before everyone gets really excited about the Bengals, let me remind you of one key thing: the Bengals’ margin of error, like the Chiefs’, is zero. They can’t afford to lose another game to even have a shot at the playoffs, because their destiny is NOT in their hands. I’m not saying there is a possibility of the Bengals coming back…but we can’t eliminate them until their chances of the playoffs hit 0%. Their next game against the Bills will be a must win for both teams. As for the Ravens, I can’t believe I’m writing this about them. We had high expectations for the Ravens this year, and they just have not lived up to any of them. The only explanation as to why this is happening is this: the league and the AFC in general has finally caught up to them, the Bills, and the Chiefs. Now the big three’s reign over the AFC may be over. They’ll have to earn a playoff spot back next week against their bitter rivals, the Steelers, in a rematch of playoff implications.
BEARS 24 – EAGLES 15
HOLY MOLE HOLES (again)! Maybe the world is flat after all, dear readers. The Chicago Bears are now the top seed in the NFC after their Black Friday victory over the defending champion Philadelphia Eagles. The Bears’ rushing attack made all the difference. Led by Kyla Monangai and D’Andre Swift, the Bears piled up 281 rushing yards for two touchdowns. With the Vikings down, the Lions crumbling, and the Packers trying to find their footing again…the Bears have come out of nowhere to seize control of the NFC North. The Bears’ victory proved that the NFC is up for grabs: it is now anyone’s race. The Bears will try to defend their top seed against their hated nemesis, the Packers, next week. As for the Eagles, MAYDAY! MAYDAY! The once high-flying Eagles offense has been grounded! Two quick and brutal losses in the span of less than a week have cast serious doubts about the Eagles’ chances to go far. The Eagles have a favorable schedule for the stretch run, but if they don’t fix these problems on offense…they may lose out on the chance to join the Florida Panthers and Los Angeles Dodgers as repeat champions. They will play the Chargers for a special Monday Night Football game in which both teams cannot afford to lose.
RAMS 28 – PANTHERS 31
LA fans may not like the next two games I go over. Let’s get it over with, as I can hear the moans of displeasure. The Carolina Panthers, banged up and desperate, pulled off a major upset over the Los Angeles Rams. This was not a good game for Mattew Stafford, who threw for 243 yards, two touchdowns, and two interceptions. All credit to the Panthers, they won a tough game they desperately needed to win. Only half a game behind the Buccaneers, they’ve definitely earned a bye for next week. When they return, they’ll play the Saints. Now, let’s talk about the Rams. There is no need to panic: everyone has a bad game. Right now, they’re still ahead of the Seahawks and 49ers in the division, but they’ll need someone to beat the Bears if they want to get the top seed back. The good news is that the Rams have an easier schedule than the Bears for the stretch run, starting next week against the lowly Cardinals.
RAIDERS 14 – CHARGERS 31
This isn’t as bad as the Rams news, but it is still something that is very concerning. The other LA team, the Los Angeles Chargers, got a much-needed win over the Las Vegas Raiders. Kimani Vidal had a good rushing game for the Chargers as he got 126 yards on the ground and a touchdown. The bad news regards the status of franchise star Justin Herbert. Herbert sustained a slight break on his left hand that required a minor procedure on Monday. So far as we know, Herbert is treating this as nothing and preparing to play next Monday night. If so, that would definitely be a boon as the Chargers face a tough stretch run to end the season. Even if he doesn’t, Trey Lance is a very capable backup. The Chargers will play a special Monday Night Football game against the defending champion Eagles. This is a must-win for both sides. As for the Raiders, the loss officially eliminates them from playoff contention. The offensive line’s troubles, combined with the terrible play of quarterback Geno Smith, doomed the Raiders’ season. This offseason should see the Raiders retooling the offensive line and getting a quarterback that will allow them to make the most of stars Ashton Jeanty and Brock Bowers. The “lame-duck” part of the season begins against the Broncos next week.
49ERS 26 – BROWNS 8
The San Francisco 49ers needed a win to keep up their playoff momentum, and they did just that against the Cleveland Browns. Brock Purdy still didn’t look too sharp, as he completed 16 of 29 passes for 168 yards and a touchdown. The 49ers are in control of their own destiny when it comes to securing a playoff spot. However, they still need to get healthy…or they won’t go far in the playoffs. They have a bye next week to rest up for the stretch run, but they’ll play the Titans when they return. As for the Browns, owner Jimmy Haslam must be losing patience with his general manager and coaching staff. They’ve built a good defense, and I believe in Shedeur Sanders, but the recurring gaffes on special teams and ineffective offensive attack is getting to be too much for Browns fans. With the Raiders’ elimination from playoff contention, the Browns are next on the chopping block. The Browns play the Titans next week.
CARDINALS 17 – BUCCANEERS 20
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers got a much-needed win to maintain their playoff spot by defeating the Arizona Cardinals. Baker Mayfield gave an underwhelming performance, throwing for only 194 yards and a touchdown. The Buccaneers have an easier schedule ahead of them, their players are getting healthy, but the defense remains a concern. They’ll play the Saints next week. As for the Cardinals, the loss officially eliminates them from playoff contention. Their inability to find the end zone despite being able to move the ball is absolutely frustrating. The rest of this season will be used to learn which players to keep and which to let go during the offseason. Unfortunately, they’ll be playing a ticked off Rams team that’s looking to get back in the win column.
TEXANS 20 – COLTS 16
The Houston Texans defense looked absolutely dominating as they dismantled the Indianapolis Colts. CJ Stroud didn’t look too sharp in his return, throwing for 276 yards and an interception, but it wasn’t expected for him to come shooting out of the gate after suffering a concussion that sidelined him for weeks. Still, Stroud showed flashes of his old self on third downs, and that’s what gave the Texans the win. They’re still on the outside looking in, but they have a chance to make a big statement next week against the Chiefs. As for the Colts, now’s the time to hit the panic button. The Colts that looked unstoppable at the beginning of the year are now becoming the Colts that we kind of expected them to be this year. Next week’s game against their fierce division rivals, the Jaguars, will play a big part in determining who wins the division crown.
JAGUARS 25 – TITANS 3
The Jacksonville Jaguars have been on a rampage as of late to muscle their way into the playoff conversation, and they proved it again by knocking the Tennessee Titans out with brute force. This was Trevor Lawrence’s best game of the season as he completed 16 of 27 passes for 229 yards and two touchdowns. This win wasn’t without consequence as they suffered a couple of injuries. They’ll need every able-bodied man next week for a big showdown with the Colts. Meanwhile, the loss officially eliminates the Titans from playoff contention. So, what do they do? Well, this offseason should be about shoring up the offensive line, because I’m not sure how many more sacks Cam Ward can take. They’ll begin their “lame-duck” part of the season next week against the Browns.
SAINTS 17 – DOLPHINS 21
The Miami Dolphins managed to hold on for the win this weekend to keep their playoff hopes alive while simultaneously eliminating the New Orleans Saints from playoff contention. The rushing attack was the difference for the Dolphins, led by De’Von Achane with 134 rushing yards and a touchdown. The Dolphins have been relying more on their run game since Tyreek Hill went down for the season, and it’s managed to keep their playoff hopes alive for now. They sit a game back behind the Chiefs in the playoff race, but they’re running out of track. The Dolphins play the Jets next. As for the Saints, their miserable season has been put out of its misery (at least in terms of playoff chances). Now is the time to evaluate their players. I will say this: I think they found their future kicker in the Irishman Charlie Smyth (kicking a 56-yard field goal in the rain is definitely a head-turner). The Saints start their “lame-duck” stretch against the Buccaneers next week.
FALCONS 24 – JETS 27
I have always been a proponent of the theory that if you get two teams with bad records together, you get a great game. That is what we had last week as the New York Jets emerged victorious over the Atlanta Falcons. The eye-popping stat is from Jets receiver Adonai Mitchell, who reeled in eight receptions for 102 yards and a touchdown. The downside is that this probably takes the Jets out of the running for the No. 1 pick in next year’s draft. But considering all the losing that the Jets have suffered…they’ll take any wins. The Jets play the Dolphins next. As for the Falcons, boy…they have a pretty awful special teams unit. Allowing 29.8 yards per kickoff return is one thing, but going through as many kickers as they do is insane. Instead of being in the playoff hunt, they are on the verge of being mathematically eliminated. They play the Seahawks next week.
VIKINGS 0 – SEAHAWKS 26
Unless you’re a fan of the Seattle Seahawks, this was a game you could have skipped. The Seahawks wiped the floor with the Minnesota Vikings in a defensive showing not seen since the “Legion of Boom.” And it’s good that the defense did all the work, because there was barely anything going on for the Seahawks’ offense…who only totaled 219 yards. Yes, the Seahawks have a great defense, but they’ll need more out of their offense when they play playoff caliber teams. The Seahawks’ next opponent is the Falcons. As for the Vikings, I think it’s safe to say that they’ve hit rock bottom. Max Brosmer was no better than JJ McCarthy. The most extraordinary thing that happened was that star Justin Jefferson reportedly didn’t take any questions in the locker room after the game. This illustrates the level of frustration with the entire Vikings offense. The Vikings play the Commanders next.
BILLS 26 – STEELERS 7
It was a better showing for the Buffalo Bills as they showed glimpses of their former selves by dismantling the Pittsburg Steelers. Josh Allen still doesn’t look too sharp though, as he ended his day with 123 passing yards, a touchdown, and an interception to go with his 38 rushing yards and rushing touchdown. The Bills’ sluggish starts to the game are proving to be more of a hinderance this season, and it’s why they’re barely holding on to the last playoff spot since the Chargers hold the tiebreaker over them and the Colts. The Bills play the Bengals next, but they’ll have to be aware of the impact Joe Burrow’s recent return will have on the game. As for the Steelers, the question has become whether Aaron Rodgers should have played in this game. Understandably, the Steelers wanted to win to capitalize on the Raven’s loss on Thanksgiving at the hands of Burrow and the Bengals. But completing only 10 of his 21 passes is a major concern. We will monitor Rodgers’ health throughout the week as the Steelers have a big matchup with the Ravens with the division on the line.
BRONCOS 27 – COMMANDERS 26 (OT)
Sunday Night Football’s matchup was a lot closer than any of us anticipated. A big defensive stop helped the Denver Broncos avoid a huge upset against the Washington Commanders. Bo Nix had a good game, throwing for 321 yards and a touchdown, but his interception puts a little dent on his performance. Now, the question is whether the Broncos can keep this up with winning close games to get the top seed in the AFC. One “expert” said why not explaining that’s it’s worked so far. However, here’s why they CAN’T take this all the way to the Super Bowl. Look at last year’s Chiefs: all those one score wins were ugly and that luck finally gave out when it mattered the most. The point is, you can’t keep winning by slim margins, especially against teams that you should be beating by double digits! If they don’t beat the Raiders by more than one score, I’m not going to take them seriously as a Super Bowl contender. As for the Commanders, their playoff chances are somewhere between slim and none. Can they play spoiler against another team? Yes, but only if can finish games. On a positive note, Commanders receiver Treylon Burks made possibly the best touchdown catch of the year. They’ll play the Vikings next week, with the loser most likely becoming mathematically eliminated from playoff contention.
GIANTS 15 – PATRIOTS 33
The New York Giants were already eliminated from playoff contention, but they were hoping to play spoiler against the New England Patriots. Well, that didn’t happen as the Patriots gave them a good beating. Drake Maye has definitely surprised me by putting in another remarkable performance; completing 24 of 31 passes for 282 yards and two touchdowns. Maye is not only exceeding my expectations of him but is also in the MVP conversation. This is one of the few instances where I am glad to be wrong. The Patriots will have a bye next week, but they’ll have to face the Bills in a rematch when they return. As for the Giants, we knew their season was done, but this is just sad. I know people are saying Jaxson Dart is the future of the franchise, and I hope he is. However, he needs to remember the fundamentals and protect himself before he gets himself hurt again. That big hit in the first half looked brutal, and it happened because he failed to step out of bounds sooner. Also, the Giants kicker kicking the ground instead of the ball during a field goal attempt…my God. The Giants also have a bye next week, but they’ll play the Commanders when they return.
NEXT WEEK: FUNDAY FOOTBALL RETURNS!
I mentioned that next week’s Monday Night Football game was special. However, it’s not just because it’s a must win for both the Philadelphia Eagles and Los Angeles Chargers. It’s because it’s time for Funday Football again!
Funday Football is an alternate telecast, or “altcast.” This year’s is brought to you by ESPN, Disney, Pixar, the National Football League (aka NFL), and Beyond Sports. Instead of the standard booth camera and sideline shots, the game is rendered live inside an animated world. Last year, we saw Funday Football enter the world of The Simpsons.
This year, the NFL is heading to the Monsters, Inc. headquarters in Monstropolis, where we’ll see Mike Wazowski and Sulley animated in real time, plus hundreds of monsters roaring in the crowd.
There’s so much going on behind the scenes, it’s really amazing. Each on-field player wears a device that generates “player tracking data” that feeds NFL Next Gen Stats into Sony’s Beyond Sports engine and Sony’s Hawk-Eye Innovations optical tracking. This special technology is used to create the live animations we can see during Funday Football, rebuilding each throw, route, block, kick, and tackle in real time. The system even syncs commentator Drew Carter and Dan Orlovsky’s booth calls to their animated avatars, thanks to a virtual-reality setup that lets them watch through headsets as they work. This is sports with a unique visual twist, offering an exciting new way to enjoy the football games fans love.
However, like I said, it may be Funday Football…but the drama will be real. With the precarious playoff positions of both the Chargers and the Eagles, the stakes for this game is higher than the doors hovering above the Laugh Floor at Monsters Inc.
