The Beauty of Duality

Black and white, up and down, good and bad, left and right. Duality exists all around us. Yet it still makes us uncomfortable. We like things to fit into one box and then we get to dismiss the other. “Oh that person is awesome,” “Oh that person is horrible,” “Oh that relationship is wonderful,” “Oh that relationship is terrible.” We are comfortable with the concept of duality, in the sense of putting things into boxes, what we seem to struggle with is the concept that most things fit into both boxes, sometimes at the same time. Relationships can be good and bad, people can be good and bad, and we all have multiple viewpoints and perspectives. But that concept makes us uncomfortable because we are human, and we like things to fit neatly into boxes and fall clearly into categories. We like to be right and assume everything else is wrong.

Yet this week we experience a full moon in Sagittarius which highlights the polarity of Gemini season. Gemini itself is the sign of polarity and duality. It is the sign of the twins, of multiple viewpoints, a quick changing of mind and perception. In fact, that is usually the work of the Gemini’s, to learn to hold space for both viewpoints and find a central ground between the two. That is why Gemini’s get such a bad rep in the dating world, a little phenomenon known as the “Gemini flip.” The sudden and unforeseen changing of their mind. One minute they are excited and passionate about a person and relationship, then the next minute due to some imperceptible change, they now can no longer stand the person, and want out of the relationship. It can be confusing because there does not seem to be any precipitating event causing it, but for Gemini, they don’t need it. They are so perceptive to all aspects of the relationship and the person that they simply switch points of view. Think about it this way.  If you looked at a seemingly innocuous and neutral object, like a table, based on your perception, you could name five good things about it, and five bad things about it and all of them would be true. The truth is most things, and people lie somewhere in the middle, they have some good qualities and attributes, and they have some bad. Gemini experiences them both simultaneously.

Sagittarius, on the other hand, encourages us to push forward, explore new horizons, and ask for higher clarity. Gemini does not always push for that. They are often entertained by the experiences of the world around us, they can flit from thing to thing and person to person without giving themselves the chance to see how all these pieces fit into the bigger picture of their life. The two butt heads, Gemini experiencing the seen, Sagittarius pushing toward the unseen. Yet doesn’t that sum up the human experience? We live in a duality of things we see and things we do not see. For example, astrological influences. We can see the ways Mercury Rx wreaks havoc in our physical world, but we can’t see the actual influence coming down like a lightning bolt or anything. Yet we feel its presence, nonetheless. The same with other elements, like the wind. We can see it moving leaves on the tree, but we can’t point it out in and of itself.

There are elements of duality all around us, and that is what is very much being highlighted this week with the full moon. Duality. Especially with Venus, the planet of love residing in Cancer, we can really see the presence of duality there, as well. Cancer is loving, warm, nurturing, and emotional. Yet on the flip side of it, it can easily slip into smothering, codependent, and overly emotional. Everything in our lives and loves is a balancing act. Just because we fall too far to one side, doesn’t mean we can’t course correct and move towards the other. Just because we do one bad thing does not necessarily make us a bad person, and just because we do ten good things, it doesn’t necessarily make us a good one. Also, let us not forget, this labeling, is completely subjective. What you might consider a good trait in your partner, someone else might find deplorable, and vice versa. What you might consider smothering, someone else might consider cozy and affectionate. Duality exists all around us, in many forms.

So, your mission for the week, should you choose to accept it, is to begin to open your eyes to the duality that exists in your life and especially love and begin to hold space for both viewpoints.

Weekly To-Do List: 

This week begin to observe the duality.

• Where in your life and love can you see duality?
• What aspects of your relationship/partner do you consider “good?”
• What aspects of your relationship/partner do you consider “bad?”
• Why do you place them in those categories?
• How can you begin to see those from an alternate viewpoint?
• How can you hold space for both aspects of your partner or your relationship to exist simultaneously?

Pro Tip: 

The point of the exercise is mainly to observe and take notice. It is so easy to fall into the realm of black-and-white thinking, especially in relationships. For example, one of the things I see often as a relationship expert is the phrase “The relationship would be so great if only” or “My partner would be so great if only.” I call it the “If only” paradox. The person will list off something truly heinous their partner is doing like cheating with an ex, stealing money from them, using them for sex, borrowing their car without asking, etc. and they say “But they are such a good person, if only they wouldn’t do__.” They are stuck in the black and white thinking that their partner or the relationship is “good.” Yet the thing they are upset about indicates quite the contrary. Generally, “good” people don’t steal cars or money or sleep with other people etc. Yet people can have good and bad qualities to them. Someone can steal money from you and also go with you to your grandmother’s funeral. They can still be using you but also be doing nice things for you. As the famous true crime writer, Ann Rule always said “We think we know evil when we see it, but we don’t.” Why? Because we get so caught up in black-and-white thinking.

Take this little nugget of an example. Ted Bundy (Ann Rule’s former friend btw) killed at least 33 known victims, he also worked on a suicide hotline saving lives. Jeffrey Dahmer killed and ate people. He also lived with his grandmother for years taking care of her and fixing things around her house. John Wayne Gacy was known as the “killer clown” but in his free time, he used the clown costume to cheer up children in the hospital. Good and bad exist in all of us. Ok, those are extreme examples, I know, but the point I believe has still been made. You can be with someone who does “good things” and they still might not be a “good” person. Or be a good partner in a relationship with you.

Accepting that duality exists in many forms, allows us to take these attributes as information. Do you for example, without labeling it “good” or “bad” do you like or are you comfortable with a partner who has sex with their ex? If the answer is no, then the relationship is not a “good” fit for you. So, taking all of the “if’s” “and’s” “but’s” and “if only’s” aside how does the relationship feel to you? Can you allow for the duality of your partner and the relationship to exist as is? Can you take out the labels and see through the categories to figure out how you genuinely feel? That my friend, is the work of Gemini season and especially the full moon polarity this week will bring.

Horoscopes: 

Aries: Take a breather. The spotlight is not on you. You have been pushing yourself past the point of exhaustion for weeks. Creating, manifesting, and getting things done. This week take a moment to let things come to you. Trust that you’ve done the work and the results are on their way! You don’t have to control every outcome, in fact, sometimes it’s more fun if you don’t!

Taurus: Luck is definitely on your side with Jupiter in your sign. It’s time to fly high and enjoy the fruits of your labor. Summer reaps a lot of benefits for you and all you have to do is reach out and take them!

Gemini: Polarity, polarity, polarity. With Sagittarius trying to sneak a full moon in under your sign, you are definitely feeling the pull. Maybe you are bouncing back and forth between ideas and partnerships. Perhaps feeling one person is a perfect fit one week, and the worst person in the world the next. Relax, it’s supposed to be happening. You are being shown exactly how damaging your flip-floppy way of being can be for your long-term goals. So, take a minute and allow the duality to exist, just feel the feelings without making any big, rash decisions. People can annoy you one week and surprise you the next. It is natural for feelings to fluctuate. Think about when you are hungry or tired, you don’t feel the same way about people or experiences as you do when you are well rested and well fed. It’s ok for some fluctuation to occur. Just let it pass, notice it, and see how things shake out in a week or two. Take the time and space you need but maybe don’t call everything off just yet.

Cancer: Boy oh boy it’s been a week for you. But fear not, things are beginning to lighten up. You may feel a small upheaval on Saturday when the full moon shines bright, after all the moon is your commander-in-chief, but overall, this week will feel much calmer for your life and loves. *Phew* I bet that’s a relief.

Leo: Rooooar! The battle is on, and the winner is you. Mars, the plane of war, is housing itself in your sign and has been for a while. Yet now it is preparing for its transition which can stir up a lot of red Mars aggression dust. So, you are probably feeling the urge to step forward into battle.

Mars gets a bad rep; aggression is not viewed kindly in the spiritual world. Yet conflict has its place. Things need defenders. As long as there is oppression, war, cruelty, and other ills in our world, people of great strength will be required to rally against it. It’s not a perfect system, but it is what currently exists in our reality. So, rise to the challenge. Figure out what you are fighting for as opposed to worrying about what you are fighting against. That will give you more strength in the battles to come.

For example, instead of fighting against your suffocating partner, remember you are fighting for freedom, which allows the conversations to be more goal-oriented and solution based. Remember, conflict has its place, true peace is usually just on the other side of it.

Virgo: Intensity is the name of the game. You are feeling threatened and insecure, and you aren’t sure what to do about it. Just remember, hard and fast rules are not always the quickest path to love. Love is about freedom and choice, not rules and regulations. Remember the duality concept we’ve been talking about? Yes, there is some natural restriction in relationships, but it doesn’t have to feel like a cage. If you really feel that the problem needs resolution, address it with your partner, but be open to out-of-the-box (or cage) suggestions. It does not have to be your way or the highway.

Libra: Ahh, a sign of relief. Things are finally starting to fall back into place. The unbalanced astrology has really been getting you down, but now things are shaking out and you are getting to practice the act you are so good at, balancing. Libra’s are great at seeing both sides of an argument and taking everyone’s opinions into account so feel free to step into the spotlight and do that now. Duality exists, it’s all about balancing the scales, which just happens to be your favorite party trick.

Scorpio: What is it? That little fly of forgiveness that is bothering you. Is it an ex-lover who never apologized, a friend group that betrayed you, or even your own toxic family dynamics making another pass at you? Whatever it is, don’t keep swatting it away, let it land. It’s ok to feel angry, it’s ok to feel hurt, what you don’t want it to do is turn into resentment and bitterness. Lessons were learned, it’s time to move on. Your boundaries have gotten stronger, and your feet more nimble. They were just a lesson, meant to improve you. So, it’s done. Just let it be. Work on the forgiveness aspect this week, it’s ok to let things go.

Capricorn: Sheesh. Take it easy. I can feel your intensity from here. Has it been manifesting in odd ways? Cleaning almost to the point of OCD behavior? Micromanaging to the point of chasing everyone away? Tune into your higher self to try to get clarity on why you are feeling like such a jolt of electricity this week. The energy is supposed to go somewhere now you just need to find out where. When you do, you will be unstoppable. So put down the broom, hang up the phone, and focus on yourself.

Aquarius: Well, this is awkward. You’ve been avoiding my calls all week. And I’m guessing I’m not the only one, the universe and maybe your current partner is feeling slighted too. We get it, emotional waves are not your bag, but yet again you have to face these things. Your avoidance is in overdrive and having a conflict-ridden conversation right now could feel akin to walking the plank, but the more you have these types of conversations, the better at them you will become. So, knock it off. It’s time for you to take charge of your personal life the same way you have been rocking your professional one. You cannot build a life without a solid foundation and interpersonal relationships create that foundation.

Pisces: You probably feel like you are floating on your back in a cool swimming pool. Just floating through life, not a physical world care in the world. You are cool, calm, collected, and flexible. Which is exactly how you should feel right now. Following the Taoist concept of Wu Wei Wu is going to be your best bet this week. Nothing is done and yet everything is accomplished. That could practically be your motto. You are so tuned into the ethereal this week that you can’t sweat the small Earthly stuff. Sometimes that can bite you in the booty but this week it is what is keeping you sane. Carry on, my fishy friend.

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