By Lucas Camacho
Welcome to another week of the NFL season. For you fantasy football fans, it’s almost fantasy playoffs, and it’s also time for another…BYE-MAGEDDON! That’s because six teams had a bye this week. Five teams (the Broncos, Colts, Commanders, Ravens, and Texans) are fighting for playoff spots, and one team (the Patriots) is spending the bye thinking about how this season went so wrong that they’ve been bounced from playoff contention. But enough of those guys, let’s see how the other teams fared.
BILLS 42 – RAMS 44
This turned out to be the best game of the weekend featuring one of the best teams in the NFL against one of the hottest teams in the NFL. In this battle of attrition, the LA Rams scored a major victory over the mighty Buffalo Bills. Both quarterbacks gave their all and gave us all a great show. Rams quarterback completed 23 of 30 passes for 320 yards and 2 touchdowns, while his counterpart Josh Allen of the Bills completed 22 of 37 passes for 342 yards and 3 touchdowns. Not only was this a great morale booster, it also put the Rams in the driver’s seat in their division. For now, the Seahawks are in the lead, but if, theoretically, both teams win out until they meet again in the final week of the season…the Rams only need a win and they win the division because they currently own the tiebreaker over the Seahawks. It also sent a message to the league that they are a force to be reckoned with (in spite of the “expert’s” opinions). As for the Bills, look…just because you’re one of the best, doesn’t mean you’re going to have a good game EVERY week. This was mostly likely a minor bump in the road for the Bills. Although their defense might need some slight adjustments as we head into the final stretch of the season. (Side note: congrats to the Bills for being the fourth New York based team to fall to a team from Los Angeles in the last few months, joining the New York Mets, Yankees, and, most recently, the Red Bulls…who just lost to the LA Galaxy in the MLS championship.)
CHARGERS 17 – CHIEFS 19
It’s better to be lucky than good sometimes. It also helps when your opponent doesn’t manage their timeouts very well. Nevertheless, by some miracle (and an insane amount of luck), the Chiefs triumphed over the surging Chargers to lock up the division. Justin Herbert has had better games, but his 213 yards and a touchdown was actually better than Patrick Mahomes. The Chiefs have too many problems, and yet they win anyway by some insane lucky coincidence. The only question now is: when will that luck run out? As for the Chargers, they need more of their receivers to step up. They also need better performance on the ground, as they only managed 94 rushing yards (granted the Chiefs only managed 96). And I was also very unhappy about how they managed their timeouts in the last few minutes of the game. The Chargers are still good enough to make the playoffs, so there’s no need to panic. However, going forward they’ll need a better team effort, because clearly this isn’t enough (although their defense still looks like one of the best in the NFL).
PACKERS 31 – LIONS 34
HOLY MOLE HOLES! This turned into a lot closer game than I expected. The Lions held off a late charge by the Packers to maintain their top spot at the head of the NFC. Jared Goff outdueled Jordan Love, throwing for 283 yards, 3 touchdowns, and an interception (while Love only threw for 206 yards, one touchdown, and no interceptions). As great and as close as this game was…we all expected the Packers would lose. It’s nothing against how good the Packers are; they’re a great team and they should make the playoffs. It’s just…the Lions have their number, and I doubt a third meeting will change anything. They better hope someone knocks them off before the NFC Championship game. On the other side, the Lions are still the best team in the NFL, that isn’t up for debate. What we CAN debate about now is this: has the Lions’ defense taken too many shots? The injuries on the defensive side of the ball is really starting to pile up, and it shows in the 31 points that they allowed against the Packers. But, at least the Vikings have a lock on the division by now, right?
FALCONS 21 – VIKINGS 42
The answer to the last question for the Lions’ recap is this: wrong. The Vikings managed to keep pace with the Lions with a resounding victory over the Falcons. What a jaw dropping performance from quarterback Sam Darnold; completing 22 of 28 passes for 347 yards and 5 touchdowns! I definitely have to say I did not expect Darnold to be any good, so I apologize. It’s looking more and more like analyst Robert Griffin III was right about the right coach making the quarterback great. The question is: do the Vikings let him walk, or do they sign him long term? As for the Falcons, the best way to describe them is to use a song by the late great Tom Petty: Free Fallin’. The NFC South is now out of their hands as they drop another game. They can certainly beat their own division…but that won’t help if they crack into the playoffs. As for those that ask if Kirk Cousins should be benched…remember his backup is rookie Michael Penix Jr., who doesn’t have very much experience. So don’t blame this all on Cousins…because he’s not the only one on this team that shoots themselves in the foot (please see the Ray-Ray McCloud III kickoff fumble).
JAGUARS 10 – TITANS 6
For those of you looking at the score, I know what you’re thinking and let me answer your question: no, MLB season hasn’t started yet. There are, of course, the annual Winter Meetings going on (and about 765 million reasons to worry about the future of the New York Mets), but I digress. Returning to the subject of the NFL, no matter how mediocre this matchup was, the Jaguars beat the Titans in their quest to end this season on a high note. Mac Jones stepped in as quarterback as it looks like Trevor Lawrence is done for the year (no point risking further injury to the face of the franchise that has nothing to play for). It’s no secret that I have no faith in the Patriots’ Drake Maye…but they were still probably right in letting Mac Jones go. Jones threw for 220 yards and 2 interceptions. This win may have kept coach Doug Pederson’s job…for now anyway. But he’s still no where near out of the woods. As for the Titans, this loss officially eliminated them from playoff contention. There will be questions for the Titans going forward: has Will Levis done enough to keep his job as the starting quarterback, and can they fix their defense to better go after quarterbacks next year? They got lots of questions, and they’ll need lots of answers, or else we’re just going to be having this same conversation 365 days from now (although I’m hearing a voice from Nightmare Before Christmas growling at me saying “364!”).
JETS 26 – DOLPHINS 32
Going into this game, both teams needed a win to keep their playoff hopes alive. Typically when this happens, you get a game that has a playoff vibe to it (because if you lose, there is no tomorrow, just like in the playoffs). The Dolphins triumphed in this divisional matchup, officially eliminating the Jets from playoff contention. Aaron Rodgers threw for more yards with 339, but Tua Tagovailoa had a better Quarterback Rating at 80.4 and more touchdowns (Tua threw for 2 while Rodgers only had 1). However, this win doesn’t mean the Dolphins are out of the woods. They’re still have to overcome the Colts before gunning for one of the wild card slots held by the Ravens, Chargers, and Broncos. So they need to play like their backs are against the wall (because their backs ARE against the wall). As for the Jets, another year, another lost season. Will they win another game this year? I am…trying to keep an open mind for the holidays. However, good teams can win in close games (and sometimes good teams can get lucky…look at the Chiefs). However…this is not a good team. In games decided by six or less points, the Jets are 0-7. The prognosis is not very hopeful…
SAINTS 14 – GIANTS 11
Despite all the injuries, and the extreme lows of the season, the Saints managed to get a much needed win to keep their hopes alive. The Giants, who are already eliminated from playoff contention, dropped their 8th straight game while the Saints live to fight another day. Derek Carr may not have had a pretty game, completing only 20 of 31 passes and throwing an interception, but it was good enough for 219 yards, a touchdown, and a win. There’s only one hiccup to this: Derek Carr went down again. He has a hand fracture and he’s in concussion protocol. With Taysom Hill already done for the year, the Saints will really have to dig deep as they try to stay alive in the playoff hunt. As for the Giants, their fans are letting them have it. A half empty stadium and a plane flying a banner that read “MR. MARA ENOUGH – PLZ FIX THIS DUMPSTER FIRE” does not inspire confidence. It may be too late to save coach Brian Daboll, but allow me to defend him…because THIS IS NOT HIS FAULT. I warned at the beginning of the season that this was a VERY poorly constructed team. They should have gotten rid of Daniel Jones years ago, they should have gotten a quarterback in this year’s draft, and there are a lot of holes to fill. The fact that they got 2 wins is enough in my book to keep him, but maybe fire the general manager if you really want to make a change. In any case, things are not looking up for New York, for both the Jets and the Giants (and bear in mind, the city of New York still hasn’t gotten over the Yankees’ implosion in Game 5 of the World Series…and not just because Dodgers fans won’t let them).
PANTHERS 16 – EAGLES 22
The Eagles were looking for a big win to prove they could take on the Lions (since it’s looking more and more like the path to the Super Bowl in the NFC goes through Detroit). What they got was a close call against the Panthers…who they SHOULD have beaten more convincingly. This wasn’t a good day for either quarterback, as both Bryce Young and Jalen Hurts failed to pass for more than 200 yards (Hurts had 108 while Young had 191). The only difference was that Hurts threw for 2 touchdowns while Young had a touchdown and an interception. The question that I saw being asked by several analysts is this: will these slow starts will eventually be the Eagles’ demise? History says probably yes, but if you look at how lucky the Chiefs have been this year…there’s a good chance that the Eagles can overcome it. Of course that depends if that lucky streak will hold out over the Lions (then their goose might be cooked…because we’re all out of Turducken until next year). As for Carolina, yes…Bryce Young has shown some improvement. The analysts can say that all the live long day, but is he good enough to turn this team around. So far…he hasn’t as they lost another game that puts them on the brink of elimination from playoff contention (how they haven’t been eliminated ALREADY blows my mind).
BROWNS 14 – STEELERS 27
Well, whatever hope the Browns had of making the playoffs is now gone thanks to a resounding Steelers victory. The win also keeps the Steelers in the driver’s seat in the AFC North and on the brink of clinching a playoff spot. I will say this for the Browns, they did a good job limiting Russell Wilson to 158 yards passing and 2 touchdowns. The Steelers are looking like a legitimate threat to the Chiefs and Bills as they lead the NFL in takeaways. In spite of Wilson’s up and down performance, the Steelers’ offense still has the ability to kick into overdrive over any opponent. As for the Browns, what else is there to say? Self-inflicted mistakes, chaos at the quarterback position, a disappointing defense…all this adds up to a lost season. I may be a Los Angeles sports fan, but I will say this point blank: the people of Cleveland deserve better than this. A city that is home to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (which allows me the opportunity to once again make a shout out to Stevie Nicks, two time Rock and Roll Hall of Famer) should not have to be subjected to watching a team crumble apart like a Belgian Waffle. There are a lot of things that need to be fixed in Cleveland, and the Browns may actually need Kevin Costner to come in and fix this team like in the movie Draft Day (…although I’m not sure if Kevin Costner has the knowledge to put together a winning football team in real life…).
RAIDERS 13 – BUCCANEERS 28
Speaking of disappointments, the Raiders dropped their 9th game in a row as the Buccaneers marched their way back to the top of the NFC South. The fact that the Raiders had long ball possession than the Buccaneers, and still only managed 286 yards of offense compared to the Buccaneers’ 420 yards is NOT good at all! On the bright side for the Raiders, they were able to start disrupting quarterback Baker Mayfield’s passes around the second quarter of the game. Mayfield ended up throwing for 295 yards with 3 touchdowns, but he only completed 18 of 29 passes and was picked off for 2 interceptions. Going forward, the Buccaneers are going to need to find ways to help Mayfield so this kind of disruption doesn’t happen. As for the Raiders, I’m begging you not to fire coach Pierce. The quarterback situation is the reason for this mess. Gardner Minshew is done for the year, and Aidan O’Connell is clearly not the answer. I don’t have a lick of confidence in Desmond Ridder, so it looks like the Raiders are in the market for a quarterback for next year.
SEAHAWKS 30 – CARDINALS 18
The definition of insanity is doing the exact same thing with the same people or objects involved, and expecting a different result. That being said, I was expecting the Seahawks to beat the same Cardinals they just beat two weeks ago. Do I get tired of being right? At times, yes (there are also times I’m hoping to be WRONG). Nevertheless, the Seahawks beat the Cardinals to stake their claim at the top of the NFC West. How about Seahawks Running Back Zach Charbonnet? Running for 134 yards and two touchdowns is worthy of a HOLY MOLE HOLES! Does this mean that the Seahawks will go deep into the playoffs? Well, in the words of the immortal Lee Corso: NOT SO FAST, MY FRIEND! The Seahawks have a brutal gauntlet coming up against the Packers and Vikings. They may have put some distance between themselves and both the Cardinals and 49ers, but if they look in the rear view mirror…they’ll see the red hot Rams are still hot on their tail (and they hold the tiebreaker over the Seahawks as well). As for the Cardinals, they’re not done yet, but these interceptions from Kyler Murray seem to be their fatal flaw. The only way to normally survive your quarterback throwing an interception is to get a stop from your defense. However, the Cardinals’ defense was not up to that task as the Seahawks got two touchdowns off turnovers in this game. This is something that needs to be addressed if the Cardinals want any hope of getting back to the top of the division.
BEARS 13 – 49ERS 38
Hey, that looks like the 49ers we all expected at the beginning of the season. It is! And they beat the Bears in convincing fashion to boot! With both Christian McCaffrey and Jordan Mason on IR, rookie Isaac Guerendo made the start at running back. He did not disappoint as he rushed for 78 yards and 2 touchdowns while adding a pair of catches for 50 yards. Unfortunately, Guerendo suffered a foot injury in the fourth quarter (boy, the 49ers can’t catch a break). With a Thursday night game against the Rams coming, the 49ers may need to rest him and give Patrick Taylor a shot. But boy…the depth of the 49ers has really taken a hit this season. The worst part is that they didn’t gain any ground in the division because the Seahawks and Rams won. The Thursday Night Football game against the Rams may be the 49ers’ last stand. As for the Bears, people wondered what kind of team the Bears would have after firing their head coach. Would things at least get a little better? It did not. Yes, Caleb Williams threw for 2 touchdowns, but he only managed 134 yards passing. I’m not sure what else the Bears can do to try and give Williams more of a chance to shine, because this is now no longer his fault. I will say this, his fellow rookie Rome Odunze is really starting to look like the wide receiver the Bears was hoping for.
BENGALS 27 – COWBOYS 20
The Monday Night Football game had all the atmosphere of a playoff game, because both teams needed a win desperately. For once, the cards fell the Bengals way as a special teams mistake cost the Cowboys the game. In the Cowboys’ defense, you try stopping Ja’Marr Chase and see how much luck you have. Chase caught a whopping 14 passes for 177 yards and two touchdowns (that is definitely deserving of a HOLY MOLE HOLES!). The only player on the Bengals that could come close to those numbers was Chase Brown, running for 58 yards while also catching 6 passes for 65 yards and a touchdown. Does this change anything for the Bengals though? Not much…in fact, it doesn’t really change anything at all. All it does is allow them to fight another day, but they are still a longshot for a playoff spot. The Cowboys are another story. They join the Saints, Bears, and Panthers on the brink of elimination (with the Panthers next on the chopping block). So, can they survive this loss? Unfortunately, losing this game makes things very difficult, as they have to overtake the Saints, 49ers, Cardinals, Falcons, and the red hot Rams to even get into the conversation of snatching a wild card spot. To put it in simple terms: this is not going to be easy…
SIDE BAR STORY: SIMPSONS FUNDAY FOOTBALL
The game between the Bengals and Cowboys had serious consequences for both teams’ playoff chances. So what better way to take the edge off…than by turning the game into a Simpsons cartoon? The Monday night game streamed simultaneously on Disney+ with both teams being animated in the style of the Simpsons. The story was that Homer was dreaming the whole thing of him leading the Cowboys and Bart leading the Bengals. It was great fun and exceptionally entertaining to watch. There was also stakes in the Simpsons’ game: if Bart won, he got Homer’s desserts for a whole month (but not February) and if Homer won, Bart would have dress up like Homer and go to his work and do nuclear stuff (like a loser). We had all the jokes you would associate with the Simpson: from Bart prank calling Moe to Lisa objecting to building a football stadium with tax-payer money for just one football game. Here’s to hoping Disney+ does something just as good next year.
