By Debra Wallace
Atlanta, GA. (The Hollywood Times) 8/25/2024 –Dr. Lulu, a retired Lieutenant Colonel and Commander in the U.S. Air Force has had quite the journey, from her time in the military to becoming an advocate for LGBTQ+ youth.
After her child came out as non-binary, she made a life-changing decision to leave her career as a pediatrician and focus on preventing LGBTQ+ youth suicide.
Now, she supports parents like herself, offering guidance and understanding. Her passion for creating safe spaces and promoting self-acceptance shines through in her work.
She was interviewed by Oprah about her incredible journey! Dr. Lulu’s story is a testament to her strength and commitment to making a difference in the lives of LGBTQ+ youth and their families.
She was recently awarded the Pioneer of The Year Award for The Trans Life Awards in Atlanta which is given to individuals who have significantly contributed to the mission, advocacy, well-being, and development of the Atlanta Transgender and Non-Binary Communities.
The following is an exclusive interview with Dr. Lulu
Dr. Lulu, what is your reaction to receiving The Pioneer of The Year Award for The Trans Life Awards in Atlanta?
I was first dumbfounded, then shock and disbelief rushed in, then elation, excitement, then curiosity kicked in I was like, how, why me, what in God’s name? And now amazement, joy, pride, and gratitude.
This is officially my third (of many more) awards for the work that I am doing in LGBTQ+ advocacy. I am grateful to the folks at Trans Life Awards for the recognition. It is not an easy feat, especially considering that I only moved to Atlanta six months ago. I am indeed beyond grateful!
Why is transgender advocacy so important to you?
Transgender advocacy is important to me because it is in essence, suicide and homicide prevention.
As a mother of a Black transgender young adult, I watched my child struggle with her father’s rejection, her church’s ostracization, and lack of acceptance from her extended family on both sides. Her professors in college misgendered her, her friends abandoned her, and even her students’ parents discriminated against her when she taught in school.
It is heartbreaking for anyone, particularly a mother, to watch. As a pediatrician, I know the health inequities and the difficulty with access to healthcare that Black people have which is multiple times worse in the transgender community. The medical community for the most part wants to be effective allies, but systemic racism and nowadays, politicians are taking over making medical decisions, much to the detriment of transgender persons.
What is your goal right now?
I aim to educate the world about the plight of transgender people.
Why should each of us get involved in this mission?
We must all get involved because it is suicide prevention, and the experts will tell you that anyone can prevent suicide. It is about humanity, and normalizing everyone’s existence including those we don’t understand.
We should all get involved because literally, anyone could be transgender and hiding in plain sight.
We should all get involved because, in the end, transgender children are still just children who want the same things other children want from their parents and society; unconditional love, safety, guidance, inclusion, belonging, and affirmation.
Lastly, we should all get involved because your child might be next.
Please talk about celebrity kids and their new gender assignments. How is all of this being handled?
I think we should begin with the understanding that “gender identity” is never actually assigned. Gender identity is a personal, internal sense of self. Meaning, that only a person can state their gender identity, no one can truly assign it.
At birth, our parents and physicians assign our sex, which is based only on their observation of our external genitalia, which as we know is determined by hormones from our pituitary gland. However, our gender identity and our gender expression (how we manifest our identity) cannot be assigned.
In my work, I use the phrase “genital identity” to describe what is assigned to newborns at birth, because that is what it is.
That said, some of today’s celebrities like; Marlon Wayans, Dewayne Wade, Sade Adu, Mike Tyson, Jamie Lee Curtis, Charlize Theron, Jeniffer Lopez and Cynthia Nixon, Jada and Will Smith, and Cher, to name a few, are using their public platforms to affirm their gender-diverse children and that is a beautiful thing!
I love that they are not afraid to be seen or heard using their children’s proper pronouns, and new names and even partnering up with them on projects showcasing their gender and sexual diversities.
This in turn is helping their followers on social media and elsewhere, to see what is possible. They are openly advocating, supporting, and affirming their children and the world needs more of that. Of course, there are always others like Elon Musk who do not, but this response is not about him, or parents like him.
By affirming their children, they are showing the world that your child is who they are and that their sexuality or gender identity is only a tiny piece of their human existence, but an important piece that must be celebrated, nonetheless.
What are the positives and negatives of transitioning among your patients?
Living authentically is the best expression of freedom, so, for my patients who are transgender, many of whom do not choose to transition, simply knowing and recognizing that they are gender-diverse is the first and most important step.
For the many who choose to transition, that can mean different things to different trans people. The most common form of transitioning is ‘Social Transitioning’, where a person changes their name, their pronouns, and might stop there or make some tiny changes to their appearance like getting a haircut, growing out their hair, beginning to dress in affirming clothing, wear binders, or packers, etc.
For some who wish to undergo ‘Medical Transitioning’, that might include puberty blockers, cross-sex hormones, vocal cord training, electrolysis, facial reconstruction, breast removal or reduction, or genital reconstruction, etc. Most Black transgender persons may not be able to afford many of the expensive procedures because of systemic racism or financial challenges. Still, I find that many of them are just as happy to simply identify as trans and be accepted for who they are.
A majority of those who transition are happy, successful, and living their lives out loud as best they can. However, a few of them encounter HUGE obstacles in the form of rejection, resistance, backlash, ostracism, and straight-up bullying and discrimination from people around them for transitioning, so, they may not initiate it, might discontinue, or even detransition. Then again, a few of them may choose to live a stealth life (incognito).
Studies have shown that only a tiny percentage of transgender persons actually detransition, as opposed to nearly two-thirds of those who have routine cosmetic surgeries, but that does not sell the papers, people want to believe that the numbers are higher.
What personal advice do you have for individuals and family members of those who are or have transitioned?
They are the same exact people they were pretransition. Your child or family member who is out as trans (whether transitioning or not), is most likely the happiest they have ever been, and you get to choose every day if you are going to be part of the crew that celebrates with them or not.
If you truly loved them the day before you found out that they are transgender, then nothing but nothing should affect that. A lack of family acceptance is the reason a lot of trans/LGBTQ+ people end up finding their chosen family aka family of choice. Just remember that transgender people are human just like you, and they simply wish to be left alone to live out their lives.
What issues frequently come up for the children and their parents in your LGBTQ+ counseling?
Coming out is all about safety. So, the first issue that often comes up in families (like mine was), is that children delay telling their parents because they don’t feel safe enough to do so.
There are 2 different stages here: Pre-Coming Out, and Post-Coming Out.
Pre-Coming Out: Parents might not be aware that their children are indeed queer, so, they might inadvertently speak ill of the community or associate with homophobic persons, or be unaffirming of other family members who are possibly already out, and the children see and witness all this and therefore, withhold their true identities from their parents.
Studies show that parents are often the last to know about their children’s gender and sexual identities because these children are afraid of their parent’s reactions to their truth. According to recent publications, up to 33% of homeless youth are LGBTQ+, and that number might not be fully representative of the real picture.
Post Coming-Out: Parents are often concerned about what the world (other spouses, friends, neighbors, extended family, etc.) will say, and inadvertently make the moment about them. In the beginning, most parents say that their fear is about how the world would treat their children, and that fear is valid, however, the truth is, your children are who they are, and they know, love, and trust you first, more than the outside world. You are the most important and most influential person in their lives, so, what you think, do, or say matters the most.
As a result of the cumulation of fear, misinformation, disinformation, negative emotions, and confusion about what to do, what is wrong, and what is right, parents lose focus of their child and their immediate needs, and the result is the children suffer.
In my practice, we help parents and families re-focus on what is important, and that is; what your child needs immediately, which in most cases is a kind word, a smile, a hug, and a promise to support and affirm them right away.
What are your goals in your medical practice?
My practice is called Dr. Lulu’s PRIDE Corner. It is a multifaceted gender and sexuality-affirming coaching and consulting practice dedicated to helping families affirm their LGBTQ+ children and family members.
Its primary goal is education and family affirmation.
We work with families of gender-diverse children as young as ages 2-3, which is when gender identity first begins to emerge.
How do we help society accept and understand LGBTQ+ rights?
Education! Education!! Education!!!
Education annihilates ignorance in every facet of society, be it religious, cultural, political, medical, or otherwise.
When you educate the world, you eradicate mistakes, misconceptions, and myths about the LGBTQ+ community, and that is when society can begin to heal and reconcile with the queer community.
Society must know and understand that it is their own identity that they need to accept; that queer people are a bonafide part of normal human existence. That is the first requirement I make of the parents I coach, and that is the first thing we all need to affirm the queer members of society.
What are you writing or working on?
I am working on building my practice up: this has been slow, mainly because I have been semi-distracted with finishing up my next 3 books (“About your Black Transgender Child: Answers to Most of Your Burning Questions”, “Invited In How to Become the Parent Your LGBTQ+ Child Needs”, and “LGBTQ+ Basics for Clinicians: Becoming Allies in White Coats, all due out in the next 12 to 18 months.
I am also spreading the word about my online course titled: “ABCDEF of Affirming Your LGBTQ+ Child” and waiting for the 501C3 status of my nonprofit to come through!
In my spare time, I live-stream my podcast: Moms 4 Trans Kids Podcast, which is available on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, and wherever great podcasts are housed.
What else would you like to add?
I would like to add a word about what parents can do once their child shares their true identity with you.
The first 3 things to do are:
CTA: Congratulate them. It is imperative to know that coming out is a very difficult process and it takes a lot for children to pluck up enough courage to share with you.
Thank them. Let them know how much you appreciate them and the effort it took to find you a safe space and share with you.
Ask them how you can help. This keeps the conversation open and free and gives our children the autonomy to share as little or as much as they want with you.
This also allows you to give up control of the situation which is one thing that parents love to do.
For More Information:
To set up an appointment please go to www.calendly.com/drlulu/chat
To be on her podcast as a guest go to www.calendly.com/drlulu/m4tks
To work with her as a corporate client go to www.calendly.com/drlulu/abc
To follow her on social media: Instagram, Linkedin, Facebook
Podcast episodes can be watched here.
Her TEDx videos can be watched on my YouTube channel.
